Good Omens by Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett

No real life crap, just jumping right to the book...


That's how it goes, you think you're on top of the world,
and suddenly they spring Armageddon on you.*

There is so much I want to InCoHerEntLy say about this book.

But first, I have to say that I’m terribly disappointed in an educational system that has kept me from such a book for the last sixteen years. Granted, only about three of those sixteen years were spent in the public education sector. But I believe that to be a big enough window for at least one of my instructors to make an attempt at suggesting the importance of reading it if they had been as well read as they had claimed. Good Omens would have prevented a little late adolescent angst on the religious spectrum. Or, I would like to think it would have.

Please don't start to think that I believe that Good Omens should be considered the end all and be all of spiritual guides for our generation. I'm not that wacked. But it did surprise me in it's depth for what I had just assumed was just a comedy in the same league as Kevin Smith's film, Dogma. (And yes, I liked that movie but those thoughts are best saved for another time and place.)


CAVEAT:
Kids! Bringing about Armageddon can be dangerous.
Do not attempt it in your home.


We really shouldn't get ahead of ourselves but I fear that I will try to describe it and end up making it sound like a summary of a third grade play. A task that is like trying to describe the Bible in fifty words or less... ooohh, a game... let's give it a try... God created the earth, you get a bunch of sin and morality tales. One of the grandest stories in the collection details how God's only son is killed as part of the ineffable Plan. Other stuff happen and then an ending describing Armageddon that would make any fantasy writer proud. The End. ...hmmm... 50 words on the dot but would you read it?

With that in mind and much trepidation, we will give Good Omens a shot: the Antichrist is born and puts into the play the Ineffable Plan of Armageddon. (The real danger of this book is that it makes you want to use the word ‘ineffable’ a lot.) Aziraphale (angel) and Crowley (demon), the true stars of this story, don’t exactly want that to happen as they like Earth just as it is. They team up to attempt to stop all of human existence from ending in one big train wreck. Due to a hospital mix-up, the Antichrist is incorrectly switched at birth and spends the next eleven years growing up in nice Lower Tadfield. So, the end of humanity is scheduled for this Saturday and you can't have the end of time without the four horsemen of the Apocalypse, 90’s style, wearing Hell’s Angels jackets and riding motorcycles. Not to mention witches, Witchfinders, demons, angels, aliens, Tibetans, Americans, etc, etc, etc... all told in a comedic voice so sharp it could be considered brutal if you weren't too busy laughing.

See what I mean? Not so great in the description department but I hope you will read it anyway. Personally, I enjoyed the general sense of doom you feel that is usually only achievable after a morbid “Disaster Recovery Plan” work meeting. Except Good Omens is much funnier than most management seminars not attended by Scott Adams.

It's the type of book that will make you want to crawl inside and see the world the authors are serving up to us. Granted it would not be that different from today's London but it would be interesting to visit Aziraphale's bookshop. That is if you could happen to find it open and withstand the glowering looks of the owner. And although I'm not much of a car lover, it would be fun to take a spin in Crowley's Bentley with Queen belting from the speakers. The story definitely leaves you wanting more and that could explain the fandom that has sprung from just one book published in the long ago days of 1990. The book is also one of the few that would find its way onto my to-be-read-again shelf.

Normally I wouldn't tell people I don't know what to do but if you haven't read Good Omens, go buy it. Or if you have, you should read it again and let the approaching Apocalypse bring a smile to your face. Cheers!

Have a nice doomsday.

*All bolded quotes were written by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, copyrighted 1990, Workman Publishing Company. I would consider it one of the signs of the apocalypse if I could write something with half as much wit.

The Red Tent by Anita Diamant

Anywho, the poor book The Red Tent by Anita Diamant is the next book to be given the InCoHerEnt treatment. Again, this is another book I wouldn't normally pick out for myself. (A theme you might notice with about half of the books I read.) A woman at work lent it to me with the words, "Take all the time you need to read it. No hurries." That was said close to a year ago now and I was getting to the point of having to read it or give it back unread. Truthfully, I would rather sit through a book I hate then give one back that I've borrowed and not read. Easier to say that it wasn't my thing than to look like I didn't even try.

But I've finished it and the last third was the hardest to get through. Not that it was a difficult read by any means. The book was broken up into three parts all told from the point of view of Dinah, Leah's daughter. Leah was the first wife of Jacob who was the son of Rebecca and Isaac and grandson of Abram. Those names will only mean anything to you if you are familiar to the Old Testament. I thought I knew the Old Testament but to be honest, that is only from bible stories that were safe to be told in Sunday School class. There are some good stories in there if you can get past the not so fun stuff. But I digress, this is not a critical review of the Bible and I use the term "critical review" loosely.

The first part of the book is dedicated to Dinah's mother and her aunts or Jacob's other wives (four of them in total.) Basically their story is of how Jacob shows up and falls for Rachel, ends up marrying Leah instead and then marrying Rachel afterwards. Then he also gets the other two sisters out of the deal as well. Leah and Rachel sort of have this sibling/wife rivalry thing going on which is quite interesting to read. Jacob, with his many wives, has many sons. The problem with sons is that they can help in the fields but they are not much help with the domestic stuff like cooking for all those men or weaving or whatever. Having sons is a burden on a woman. (Just ask my mother. Can she get my brother to clean a dish? I don't think so and ever since he moved back in, that is all I hear about.) But at long last, here comes Dinah to be the daughter long hoped for by Leah, Rachel, Zilpah, and Bilhah.

The second part of the book is Dinah's story as she grows up. She acts as witness to the going ons of her clan and mysteries of the Red Tent. Normally only those who have their monthlies are permitted into the tent but as only daughter she is allowed to witness the rituals that take place in there. She is present for births and learn the secrets of the midwife.

The third part of the story takes place after Dinah leaves her home for Egypt. I won't get into the details here as to why she leaves for Egypt because I don't want to ruin the last interesting thing that happens in this book. I think the problem with third part is that it looses its two most interesting characters Rachel and Leah. The first two parts are almost completely about them and their dynamic with Jacob. That was interesting. Then Dinah leaves for Egypt and I suddenly don't care anymore. The third part just felt like a really long conclusion that neatly ties up all the strings.

Another problem that I have with the book is that it floats in very middle ground. It could have been really nice and sordid but it never goes there. Or it could have been an interesting (but less read) nonfictional study of the role and lives of women in whatever B.C. Nope, don't really get that either cause its all fiction.

I thought the first two parts of the book were a good read. After that, I didn't care. The thing is, it isn't as if there were any information in Genesis 34 as to what type of person Dinah was. She could have been far more interesting although I have to give her props for the curses she brought down on evil men. I like my main characters written to dare me to dislike them as much as I love them. You don't get that here.